Everyone has problems with their relationship, and most people who have recommendations about this are not aware of the results of the research. So what are the scientific and methodological answers to these problems? Can science, important points in marital relations be expressed?
Dr. John Gottman has been studying adaptive couples (who call them successful) and incompatible couples (who call them unsuccessful). In the following, we will discuss the four points that destroyed the relationship.
Four horse riders who are in relationship
Dr. Gutman has said that there are four things in relationships that occur frequently and cause problems in relationships. Unsuccessful couples do a lot of these, but successful couples stay away from them. These important points in marital relationships that should be considered include:
1- sharp criticism
Criticism is one of the important points in marital relations. This occurs when one of the couples tells another that there is a problem with his behavior or personality. John says: "The very rigid critique makes the problem that has arisen in the relationship shown as a defect in the other side. The successful couples act in the opposite way: they take the finger of criticism towards themselves and refer to themselves and have a more modest way to start the discussion. They show the problem in a small way and talk about their feelings and needs. "Are you listening ladies Because women are usually more likely to criticize men than women.
2. Defensive mode
Defensive mode is another important point in marital affairs that has destructive effects. "The second horse rider is a defensive state that is a natural reaction to criticism," John says. The defensive mode for unsuccessful couples acts in two ways: an offensive or innocent individual. Here, even successful couples, even if their wife criticizes them, are very different. They accept criticism or even take responsibility for part of the problem. They say: "Talk to me, I want to know what you think so."3. Humiliation
This is one of the things that causes relationships to fail. Humiliation means behaving as if you were better than others. John says:"Humiliation means talking with your spouse, insulting, or acting like a boss. Not only does this lead to a failure of the relationship, but with a humiliating person's examination, it can also predict the number of infectious diseases that may develop in the next four years. "
very good
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